Getting the Most Out of Therapy

Therapy is a different kind of relationship and a different kind of conversation to the ones you have day to day. That can feel odd at first. Here's a short guide to how it works and how to get the most from it.

You're an active part of therapy

Therapy isn't something done to you. In TA, you're expected to take part at every stage, not just turn up and answer questions. You'll set your own goals, and you very much set the agenda.

It's fine not to know yet

Plenty of people start therapy without a clear sense of what they want from it. If that's you, our early sessions will focus on working that out together. Once we're both clear on where you're starting from and where you want to get to, it's much easier to find the route.

Most of the work happens outside the room

We only have 50 minutes together, and a lot of the real change happens in the days between sessions, when you notice something about yourself, catch an old pattern as it plays out, or try responding differently. That noticing, becoming more aware of what's going on for you internally, is a big part of the work.

I might suggest something to try in between sessions, or you may come up with something yourself that you want to try or reflect on that resonated with you during a session. Some clients find it helpful to keep a journal through their time in therapy: jotting down a thought, a feeling, or something that struck them after a session. You don't need to write much or write well. It's just another way of catching what's going on for you while it's fresh, so we can pick it up together next time or you can look back at a later stage.

Honesty, even the hard bits

Real engagement means talking about things you wouldn't usually say out loud. You might notice yourself holding something back because it feels painful, embarrassing, or trivial, or because you're worried what I'll think. Almost everyone hits this at some point. When it happens, just say so, and tell me you're hesitating or feeling embarrassed.

Often the things we're most reluctant to say turn out to matter most. I'm not here to judge you, and you don't have to dig up the past if you don't want to.

What I will and won't do

I'll ask a lot of questions, about your day-to-day life, what brought you here, and sometimes your past, to help you understand yourself better. I'll do my best to understand how things are from your point of view, how you feel, and what you think. I'll offer a degree of challenge sometimes too, and invite you to look at things in new ways.

I generally won't tell you what to do or make decisions for you. I'll help you work through your options and the pros and cons. Sometimes I'll offer an explanation or a bit of theory if it's useful, though understanding can take time to build.

The here and now matters

How you're feeling in the room, including about me or about the therapy itself, is useful material. It can tell us a lot about your patterns and how you relate to people. It might feel strange to say these things out loud, but I'd rather you did.

Sessions won't always follow a straight line

It's fine to come with an agenda, and fine to come without one. It's fine to jump between topics that seem unconnected. I'll keep track of the threads and bring us back if we need it. Sometimes a session only makes sense a few days later, once you've had time to sit with it.

This takes time

As the work goes deeper, feelings can intensify, and that can feel unsettling. Some sessions will feel significant, others might leave you unsure what was achieved. Tell me either way. Therapy can't be rushed. It unfolds at its own pace.