Be Perfect Driver: When 'Good Enough' Never Feels Enough
- Cat
- 58 minutes ago
- 2 min read
In Transactional Analysis (TA), we talk about drivers which are unconscious ‘rules’ we often pick up in childhood about what we need to do to feel accepted, safe, or ‘good enough’. This post is part of a series exploring each driver in more detail. If you haven’t read it yet, the intro blog explains what drivers are in more detail.
Be Perfect Driver: The origins
The Be Perfect driver is an internal pressure to get things right, avoid mistakes, and meet high standards. It often forms when, as a child, you got the message (directly or indirectly) that approval, attention, or safety came more easily when you were good, capable, performing and didn’t get things wrong. Sometimes there may have been overt criticism; other times it may have been more subtle. You may have been over praised for achievements or corrected quickly.
You may have grown up with messages like:
“If you’re going to do it, do it properly.”
“That’s not good enough, do it again.”
“What will people think?”
“Don’t make a mess”
“You can do better than that.”
“You’re so clever, you always get it right.”
“I’m proud of you when you do your best.”
“You’re the one I can rely on.”
Be Perfect: The positives & negatives
Examples of this driver
You might notice Be Perfect if you:
Rewrite messages repeatedly because they don’t feel 'quite right'
Put off starting something unless you can do it properly
Over-prepare for meetings, social situations, or difficult conversations
Feel tense when others do things 'wrong'
Struggle to rest because there’s always something else you should do
How it shows up in work & relationships
At work, Be Perfect can look like high achievement and attention to detail but also overworking, fear of being judged, and difficulty delegating.
In relationships, it can show up as being 'the capable or the responsible one', avoiding conflict, or trying to say the 'right' thing. You might worry you’ll be rejected if you’re messy, emotional, or unsure.
The Hidden Cost
The cost of Be Perfect is often anxiety, procrastination, and burnout. When the bar keeps moving, you can end up feeling like you’re never finished, never safe, and never enough.
It can also impact self-worth. If you only feel okay when you perform well, then mistakes can feel not just disappointing, but almost life threatening.
A kinder message
A helpful permission or mantra for someone with a Be Perfect is:
“I can be good enough.”
“It’s okay to make mistakes.”
Try this reflection:
Notice one moment this week when you feel pressure to get it right.
Ask: What am I afraid would happen if I didn’t?
Offer yourself: What would ‘good enough’ look like here, practically, not perfectly?
If you recognise this pattern and want support exploring it, you’re welcome to get in touch.
